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okay so lately i have been having a new kind of phobia
i cant stand to look at myself?!
its like if i look in the mirror i try to pick out the things tht look bad..like the mismatched shoes? the oh so big boobs! ;_; i know thats a really sad thing to do but whenever i look in the mirror nd go out somewhere i feel really depressed and sad and idk ummm unwanted?!
and when people praise me for something i almost wanna puke at them!
like recently this dude i made a tattoo on was all ^_^__^ yayy i am so happy thanks a tonne love you are the best nd even my tutor was full of praises for me :$ but fucking hell i just couldnt take it. i said yeahhhhhh OKKKKKKKK and i walked out for a smoke
and i have a sore mood at home all the time my mum and dad are bloody pissed at my moodswings its just all too irritating.
i think i am turning into a fucking eistrophobiac! i didnt know the word until now -___-

and what really freaks me out is when i am staring outside the window in the metro nd i can see myself staring out of the metro and i ll catch someone looking at me! ughhhhhhh tht so freaks me out.
and the dude who i caught looking at me wud strt looking in another direction which is even more pissing off because that would mean tht he wasnt looking at me in an adory way he ws just giving me the :/ look which means the person is trying to:
1. find wht the fuck is wrong with u
2. compare you to another person he knows
3. stare at ur breasts

and all of these ^^^ are things i wudnt want to be related to me
so yeah its just fucking annoying see people look at you and worse when they praise you!

so i am gonna try and NOT look at myself tomorrow and hope tht i can continue this practice for a full week!!

*mentions nitin*<3

xox [link] [link]

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